Then Two Passed On …

Two people passed recently; one very dear to me, and one I’d met only twice.  But he was the son of a very dear friend/soul mate of mine. 

The former was my first cousin, and he had been rather ill for a few years.  He loved music, pageantry, theatre, art, and was very creative himself.  He would come visit us every summer from Toronto while we were growing up, because he loved us, his extended family, and he loved Vermont.  I looked forward to his visits.  He was a great person, and I was so glad he was a cousin.

In adulthood, of course, we don’t always stay quite as connected, do we?  Life is so busy that sometimes years go by without contact with those so-familiar faces from childhood.

We all kind of reconnected through FaceBook, as that platform took hold.  It was wonderful seeing him there.  Seeing the photos he posted this year from the hospital worried me, though.  At age 69, after health complications, he Graduated, leaving his physical shell behind to rejoin the realm of Spirit where I know he was greeted by his father, and my mother, his favorite auntie, among others.

My sisters and I attended the service.  Here’s where my cousin got the last laugh.  Holding a Masters of Divinity, he derived deep joy and pleasure from his faith, and the church where he was a musical director and organist.  He left 13 pages of notes describing his memorial service as he envisioned it, and that is what came to pass.  A beautiful Requiem Mass of two and a half hours (or was it three?) of carefully considered music, readings, and remembrances.  I could feel him there in the church with us, so filled with joy and love, while delightedly holding us captive so we would experience something that gave him so much.

Most of his cousins and siblings just aren’t that into religion, which is why I think he happily took advantage of this, his only opportunity to share with all of us, in full regalia, that which was so much a part of him.  I was happy for it. 

A couple of days after returning home from the funeral in Canada, I talked to a dear octogenarian friend in Arkansas, whom I’ve known for years through our common love of minerals, crystals and stones.  I told him about attending the funeral in Canada.  He responded, “Well, I wasn’t going to say anything, but since you brought up your funeral, I will tell you…  My son died.”

I was dumbstruck.  At my questions, he told me that his son had dropped dead at work at age 49—a heart issue.  “I had to go identify the body,” he said quietly.  “That was the hardest and most painful thing I have ever had to do.”

He explained, “He didn’t want a fuss.  We didn’t have a service; no memorial or burial, nothing.  He was cremated, and I did spread his ashes in Lake Ouachita.  We used to spend a lot of time on that lake, he loved boating and water skiing out there with his brother.  I think he would have liked that.”

I expressed my shock and my condolences, and he said, “I haven’t told anybody, not family, not friends, no one.”  I know my friend’s sister, who lives nearby, and with whom he has Sunday breakfast every week when he’s home.  “Did you tell Lois?”

“No, I haven’t,” he said.  “No reason to, it’s a private matter.”  Even knowing him as I do, that surprised me.

We finished our conversation after a few more minutes, but I couldn’t help ruminating on it over the next couple of days.  It was a remarkable story to witness, especially in juxtaposition to my cousin’s passing.  The latter, an extravagantly lovely celebration of a life lived to the hilt; the former, a life also well and richly lived, yet unremarked and unseen in its end; just a closing door.

As I near the start of the last third of my current earthly existence, I find myself pondering these things on occasion.  I have attended five funerals in the last year of loved ones, some younger than myself.  Personally, I have the advantage of knowing they have only dropped their physical shell; I am often able to see them and “talk” to them, after a fashion, in their new existence.  But that does not minimize the shock of losing someone we love, here on the earth plane. 

When it’s my turn, how do I want to go out?  With ceremony, or without a ripple?  Or somewhere in between…  Which leads to my next train of thought—what kind of life have I lived, what have I left behind me?  How has my presence, my life, impacted this time/space continuum on 21^st century Earth?

I’m thinking I can do better.  I can be more kind, more loving, more open and more honest.  I can live deeper, broader, richer and more meaningfully.  I can make every day count, just a little bit more, and not take anything for granted.  I can be grateful, and live in joy, and express both more often.

And so I shall.

NO TOOTHPASTE!

Or … An Uber ride into the Twilight Zone

Being an Uber driver offers a unique perspective.  Sometimes you get a glimpse of something or experience an event that really makes you wonder why, at that particular moment, the Universe put you in the audience … ?  As in, WTH???

Case in point: Recently, early one Friday morning, I picked up a lovely young woman at a local hotel.  She was professionally dressed in a black pants suit, white blouse, with dark hair and eyes, café au lait skin, and a beautiful smile.

I checked her destination and said, “So, we’re going up to the Medical College?”

“Yes,” she said, “But can we drive into town so I can buy some toothpaste at RiteAid?  I can’t believe I forgot my toothpaste!  I have my medical school interview this morning, I can’t go in without brushing my teeth!”

I assured her that was no problem, and off we went. “So, aside from the missing toothpaste, how’s your day so far?”, expecting the usual, “Oh, fine, how’s yours?”

Instead, I heard, “Oh, my God, I can’t believe what just happened!” 

“What do you mean?” I asked, curious.

“Well, I was trying to check out of the hotel, but … Oh, my God, it was so weird. The guy behind the counter was … he was drunk! Or, I don’t know, he was all messed up.  He couldn’t talk.  And he wasn’t even dressed!”

I shook my head, trying to clear it.  What did she just say?  “What do you mean, he wasn’t dressed?”

“He didn’t have a shirt on!” she exclaimed.  “He was half naked, completely out of it, I couldn’t check out, and I really needed to leave.” She was still agitated from her situation.  “I’ve never been in such an uncomfortable situation at a hotel, it was just so bizarre.”

By then we were at the drug store, and she went in, coming back out shortly with the much-needed tooth cleanser. We discussed further what could possibly be going on at this hotel, and as we drew closer to her destination, I said, “Well, Sarah, I wish you a wonderful interview and much success, I can tell you have a lot going for you.”  She thanked me and exited the car, straightening her shoulders as she strode into the building, bag over her shoulder.

I tapped my way out of that ride to complete it in the Uber app, and then, as I drove out of the complex, another ride request rang in.  I glanced at the pickup location, and did a double take when it was the same hotel I’d just picked Sarah up at.  My Spidey senses were on alert.

The hotel was a few blocks away, and I pulled in only 3 minutes later.  My Spidey senses were really clanging in my head when a beautiful young woman got in, dressed impeccably in a black pants suit, white blouse and black pumps.  I would have though it was a déjà vu, except she was a tall pale blond. 

“Let me guess,” I said, “You’ve got your med school interview up at the medical college?”  She looked at me, dumbfounded.  “Yes!” she exclaimed.  “How did you know?”  I clicked the ride start on the app, and sure enough, the destination of the medical college appeared. I had to laugh.  “Well, my last rider was dressed just like you and that’s where she was going!”

But things really got strange when I asked my usual, “So, how’s your day so far?”

“Well, first off, I forgot my toothpaste!” she exclaimed.

At this point, I’m looking around for Candid Camera. Before I could respond she said, “So at 5 a.m. when I woke up, I thought I’d check with the front desk.  You know, they often have those little travel tubes for the guests, right?”

“Sure,” I say.

“Well, I get down there, and there is somebody lying on the floor, in the lobby, passed out or something.”

“What the heck?  Are you serious?” I asked?

“Totally.” She said. “And I was really trying to focus on getting ready, so, ignoring the elephant in the room, I asked this guy behind the counter if they had any toothpaste they could give me, one of the travel tubes.”

“And then what happened?” I asked.  I’m seriously doubting what version of reality I’m in at this point.

“It was so strange!! It was almost as if he didn’t even work there! He said, ‘Uhm, I don’t know if they have those here.’” And then he looked at this woman who was there with him, and he asked her, ‘Do you know if they have those here?’ and she said, ‘No, I don’t think they have those here.’”

“They said ‘they,’ as if they didn’t even work there?” I asked again, just baffled.

“Yes,” she nodded her head affirmatively. “And he clearly wasn’t really listening to me. Finally he just told me he was trying to take care of the guy on the floor, and asked me to come back down in 10 minutes and he’d help me then.”  She paused to sip from her water bottle, and continued.  “So, I went back up to my room, took a shower, got dressed and came back down.  When I tried to talk to him, he didn’t recognize me, didn’t remember at all our conversation about toothpaste, was completely clueless.  But the guy on the floor was gone.”  She sat back in the seat, shook her head as if to rid herself of the memory.  “I have no idea what is going on in that place, but I never want to stay there again!”

By this time we were at the medical college, and I said, “Well, Julie, I’d definitely complain to the management if I were you, see if you can get reimbursed or something. Good luck with the interview—though I don’t think you’ll need it. And if you see a woman named Sarah, dressed just like you, say hi to her—she’s the one I just dropped off her, and she forgot her toothpaste too!”

Julie was half out of the car, but turned back to me. “Seriously?”  I just laughed and said “Yes! I can’t believe it either.  Take care!” and off she went.

Well, I pondered this for the next few rides … what are the odds that two young women get into my car from the same hotel, going to the same place for the same reason, dressed identically, who don’t know each other, and they each forgot their toothpaste?  Freaking Rod Serling’s Twilight Zone.

I gave a few more rides, still marveling at the oddity of the morning.  Little did I know that my next rider would provide chapter 3 to this strange saga.  She was a young woman, with a hotel her destination—not the one from my other riders.

But I picked up on the cue.  “So, I imagine that there is a network of hotel staff and employees in Burlington that knows what’s going on behind the scenes, am I right?” I asked her.  “Oh, yes,” she assured me.

“So, what’s going on at the ________ Hotel?” I asked her. 

“What do you mean?” she asked.  I told her what the other two riders had related to me about their experience at that hotel.

“Well, that makes sense,” she said.

“Why, what do you mean?”  I had to know.

“Well, last Monday we got a frantic call from a woman who said she was staying at that hotel, and she had to get out of there! ‘I can’t stay here! I can’t stay here another minute!’ she kept saying. We got her booked and she came over that day, but I didn’t talk to her.”

“Hmm … I wonder what happened to her?” I mused aloud.  My rider shrugged. “No idea,” she said as she opened the car door. “But I’ll probably hear about it soon enough.  Thanks for the ride!”

I may never find out what the heck was happening in that hotel that weekend, but I caught a very interesting slice of it! You just never know what a day will bring, do you?

Catching Up With Myself ...

OhforPete'ssake!

I knew I was neglecting this blog, but for a year and a half??? Jeepers.  What a loser!!  ... is the first thing that comes to mind.

The thing is, I've been in a resistant phase lately, resisting what I KNOW I need to do for myself... writing, and yoga, mainly.  I have just been letting the logistics of getting through the day take up my time, instead of being the director of my own script and taking charge.  It is incredibly important to me that I write.  It is also incredibly important to me that I do yoga at least 4 times a week.

And then I heard a discussion between David Wilcock and Corey Goode on their show on Gaia TV, Cosmic Disclosure, that offered an explanation.  They were discussing how there are various entities out there, disembodied energy beings that are literally assigned to seek out and subvert people and groups that are doing good in the world.  They attach in one way or another, and distract us from doing what is good and proactive and consciousness-raising with not-so-beneficial desires such as laziness, overeating, drinking, etc.... indulging in non-productive habits.

I've seen it in action--The American Society of Dowsers is a venerable organization that tries to do such good in the world, but time and time again I've watched as good people suddenly get a switch flipped inside the and they become hell-bent on bringing this person in a leadership position down, or cause a shitstorm of unrest through various methods... It's rather disheartening, really. But it made me realize, I need to get focused and stop getting distracted and get a grip on the Steering Wheel of my Life!

I got brilliant confirmation of that this past weekend at the Health Fair in Montpelier, Vermont.  I was invited to have a table to sell my wares, so I did.  It was a small affair, but lots of fun, and engendered great conversations with some wonderful people!  When I do such an event or show, I offer to do demonstrations of my products on the curious and the questers.

The demonstration involves dowsing the emotional layer of their aura to get the baseline measurement, usually between 1-2 feet away from the body.  I use a dowsing tool known as L-rods, which illustrate it quite beautifully.  Then they choose one of my tester bottles of my energy essences, and I spray it on one of their chakras.  This confirmation that I'm referring to happened with a woman who asked for a demonstration, another vendor at this event.

We dowsed her aura, and then she chose the 3rd Eye Clearing essence for her demonstration.  I sprayed it on her 3rd eye, and she followed my instructions, closing her eyes and breathing the energy into that chakra with the in-breath, and allowing it to penetrate more deeply with the exhalation.

When she had done so, I dowsed her emotional layer again, and it was about 6' away from her body! She was quite impressed, and interested to hear more, and sat down at the chair in front of my table.  Another attendee asked a crystal question, and I answered her, with the first woman listening to my words.  I felt her energy shift as she sat in front of me, and her focus changed.

When I stopped talking, immediately she asked me, "Are you writing this down?  Are you working on your book?  You are writing a book, right?"

Boy, did she catch me off guard!  It was like my own Higher Self talking to me.

I kind of squirmed, and said, "Uh, I have started it--I've got a couple of books in me--but I'm not very good about writing daily..."

She looked at me with deep intent, and said, "Marna, you opened my 3rd eye, and now I have to say what I see.  I see you need to write your books.  You NEED to do it NOW, before the Universe MAKES you do it, do you know what I mean?"

I just had to sit back and say, "Yes, thank you for speaking up.  I hear you, I receive your message loud and clear.  I will do it.  I will do it every day."

So, here I am, today, writing.  Amen, hallelujah.  This blogpost is hereby, once more, alive and kicking!

Birthday Vibrations!

A small gathering of folks near and dear to me provided the backdrop for a truly transcendant experience for me on Saturday evening.  My birthday falling on a Saturday was a clear indication from the Universe to have a party, no?  :-)  Dear friends offered to host it, and lo and behold, a fine time was had by all!

And by that I mean, drumming was the order of the event.  It all unfolded just as I dreamed ... amazing people, fantastic potluck food, and a serious overdose of drumming.  Quite a few of those attending are brilliant, beautiful drummers.  The stage was set by the fire in the fireplace, and the drumming just morphed into a most amazing journey into my being ... I'd never had quite an experience like that before.

The drum was on my lap, and as I played it, I became acutely aware of its voice.  I knew that its auditory expression was a combination of my inspiration, executed through the timbre and tone and character of that particular drum.  I reveled in that for a while, experimenting with hearing that voice, and expressing it, in different ways.  It was quite revelatory, in more ways than one.

And then I took a few steps back, and realized that what we were creating here was an orchestra, for lack of a better word ... a tapestry of sounds, all interwoven and playing to and balancing off of each other.  Each drum with its player was a separate voice, and how the resulting sounds came together to blend into this beautiful session was quite profound and significant for me.

I found myself utilizing the vibration--soaking it up intentionally into my chakras, holding the drum in different places as I played it, to target the various chakras.  I felt it really rattle my core, echo through my chakras, fill me up with its presence when I could allow it.

A cleansing to the core, a re-balancing and re-storing that has been long awaited... I am so grateful for dear friends, simple pleasures, profound insights and  ... Birthdays!

Wow.  A wild ride, to be sure.  I wish you a November as profound!

"Are you enjoying the Contrast?"

Death and I have a very intimate relationship.  Only because of the many accidents and asthma attacks that have come within a hair’s breadth of ending it for me.  As a child, during the asthma attacks I begged for it, if I were to be honest. So, we’ve been dueling for most of my many decades.  I haven’t talked about it a lot, I haven’t written about it.  Seems like a good time to do so.

See, I almost met my maker yesterday.  It really threw me.  I have spent a not insignificant portion of my life in a state of tenuous existence, due to extremely severe asthma attacks.  These lasted days throughout my childhood, were extremely traumatic and messed me up really thoroughly.  They were so bad that I begged God for hours on end to just let me die; I wasn’t breathing anyway, so what was the point?  Why pretend?  It was just to painful and so fucking scary to be looking death in the eye, not by choice, with every wheeze.  Starting at age two.

Yet even with all that, there have been only three times in my life that I knew I was going to die.  My time was up, and there was only to accept it.  The first was a really bad car wreck in 1980 (in fact, the same day Mt. St. Helens erupted, May 18).  The second was New Years’ Eve, 1995.  We had thrown a party, my live-in boyfriend and I; everyone had a blast, but for me it was too much fun.  If I laugh too much, something gets triggered and it turns into a horrible asthma attack.  That’s what happened.  It was so bad, it hit me so hard and fast, that I just knew I wouldn’t survive.  We wouldn’t get to the hospital in time.  I spent the first 5 days of 1996 in the hospital while they tried to stabilize me.

And then there was yesterday. Sophie and I took an early walk, and our neighbor joined us.  After he came in for breakfast; I had made a huge pot of quinoa after finally replenishing my supply at the co-op.  While eating, he was telling a story and I laughed, with quinoa in my mouth.

Oh. Crap.

With asthma as severe as mine, the whole breathing/eating/drinking thing is a bit dicey.  I can’t eat when I’m wheezing, there’s no way when the bronchials are in spasm.  But what happened yesterday was different.  I inhaled what felt like a half teaspoon of the partially chewed grains.  Instantly I stood up, and almost left my body, watching the thoughts go by, watching myself go stand by the sink, coughing over it.  Until the food went down even further and blocked my windpipe virtually entirely. When I inhaled (which I was trying not to do, worried about pulling the food in even further), because it was automatic, there was no air coming in, just a horrible noise.  I couldn’t cough at this point at all.  I managed to communicate to my friend to call 911.  I watched myself realize that this was it.  The ambulance wouldn’t get here in time and I was done for.  This is it? I asked myself.  This is how it ends, choking on quinoa in my kitchen?

The next thought (these were all rapid fire, all in a second) was, How do I want to spend the last minutes of my life?  And the answer was, not freaking out.  Then I’ll just surrender, was my next thought.

It was that one that stopped the panic track in my head. I just surrendered there, and I felt my body relax a little bit.  Something shifted in my throat and I took a tiny breath through my nose.  Cautiously, another. Eventually I could croak to my friend, I think I’ll be okay.

I stood over the sink, coughing for the next five minutes, trying to get that quinoa up.  During that time, the Emergency dispatch called back.  After hearing what happened, they urged him to call if I wasn’t okay.

I rested on the couch for 20 minutes, working on calming my nerves and my brain.

I got to work, only 10 minutes late, and carried on as normal.  But I wasn’t in my body yet, I was hovering above it, so detached.  I decided to go home for my lunch break, which I rarely do.  As soon as I got in the door, tears started flowing.  I obviously had more processing and releasing to do!

What struck me about all this was the timing. I have been listening to a lot of awesome Abraham audios on youtube.  I have been listening to Abraham for 30 years, and have always found it so supporting and fulfilling; Abraham has a brilliant sense of humor, doesn’t sugar-coat anything, and tells ya like it is with compassion and unconditional love and piercing insight that few humans can match.  Having that non-physical perspective helps a lot!

The messages that have really hit home for me the last few days are about the Contrast.  That’s what Abraham calls the crap we all have to deal with, the contrast being what is happening that isn’t what we want.  The flat tire late at night, the vicious co-worker, the sudden accident, a relationship turned sour are all examples of the Contrast (to what we want).

I am a really good manifestor.  I know energy—I channel many different frequencies, I read energy, I feel it to degrees that most people don’t.  And It’s All Energy, as both science and Abraham assure us.  So why do I still have so much Contrast, I’ve been pondering.

One comment from the audience in one of these audios was a woman explaining how she has come to love the contrast.  She’s riding it like a wave, knowing each experience will broaden her spectrum of experience and life wisdom.  She’s not taking it personally, but including it in her observations of life and herself experiencing it.

I really took what she said to heart, and tried to see my life and the usual trials and tribulations through that lens.  It was fun!  I really appreciated that new insight!  I resolved to maintain that higher perspective for myself and my own living, no matter what curveballs from the Universe came at me.

I looked forward to the weekend to contemplate this more.

But, after work Friday afternoon, I decided to go for a walk along some old farm roads on the shores of Lake Champlain.  I hadn’t been there in some time, and really missed it.  I took a big crystal wand, and another crystal for my left hand, and the whole time I walked I visualized, I focused very precisely on several positive, life-affirming things.  I channeled Love and Healing and Universal Light frequencies as I walked, feeding these beautiful energies into the environment, into Gaia, offering it to the Universe with love and gratitude.  I experienced perfect bliss, walking in the sunshine with the views of the Adirondacks and beautiful meadows and birds to accompany me.  I also focused on my physical body—affirming my strength, my flexibility, all the qualities I wanted to regain, seeing my physical body returning to its original blueprint of perfection.  The knee that’s been problematic totally healed; my ankle, healed; my lungs/asthma, healed.

I felt so incredible, so full of light, I really felt like I had melted back into Oneness… I sat by the water and channeled the Deva of Lake Champlain, being Love and Gratitude on behalf of everyone I know and love.

All good, right?

Well, remember that Contrast? 

As soon as I got home, the knee exploded with pain.  Wow.  I mean, breathtaking pain.  Writhing-in-agony pain.  In between waves of anguish, I was able to step back and marvel at how high and steeped in love and oneness I had been only a little while before, and now was experiencing the complete opposite.  It was fascinating!!!

And then, a few days later, I almost die most ignominiously in my kitchen.  Ah, yes, the Contrast.  But really, WTH???

Well, the next day I woke up and the knee was okay.  Stable, for its condition, shall I say.  But I am onto it now.  I get it.  Don’t get complacent!, is the moral of that story, because there will be more Contrast the minute I let my guard down!  (now, that’s not really the lesson, but that’s the first thing I took from it.  I’ll have to let that go later  :-)

The really fun part—I’ve saved the best for last—is that I am going to see Abraham and Esther Hicks (and Jerry, RIP) for real, live, in Boston this weekend.  So Abraham will explain it all to me.

I’m so looking forward to hanging out with Abraham and all the other kindred spirits who’ll be there.  It’s Time; it’s all aligned perfectly for me to be there, and I’m grateful for the chance to experience really high frequencies that I’m not channeling!

And when Abraham makes it all make sense for me, I’ll pass it on.  In the meantime, watch that Contrast!   :-)